Welcome to our new article series, Racing Bizarre. We're leaving behind Races in Funny Places and stepping into the world of the most off-the-wall, head-scratching events around the globe. And unsurprisingly, a large number of these races are in North America. So buckle up, because we’re about to dive into the world of endurance where normal human limits are thrown out the window, and sanity is optional.
The Barkley Marathons
At 6:54 AM on a cold March morning, a conch shell echoed through Tennessee’s Frozen Head State Park, signalling one hour until the start of the Barkley Marathons, a race so difficult that “finishing” is just a theoretical concept. If other ultramarathons are tests of endurance, the Barkley is a test of sanity.
Race director Gary “Lazarus Lake” Cantrell kicked things off in his usual fashion: by lighting a cigarette. Because if you’re about to send people into 60 hours of suffering, you might as well enjoy yourself. Most race directors use an airhorn or a starting pistol, Laz uses lung damage.
The Rules (Or Lack Thereof)
The Barkley is a 100-mile race, theoretically. In reality, no one actually knows how far it is because the course is unmarked, GPS is banned, and runners navigate using a map, a compass, and sheer despair. The route includes five loops of about 20 miles each, two clockwise, two counterclockwise, and the final loop is a coin toss (because why not leave your suffering to chance?).
The terrain is so steep it makes Everest look like a gentle slope, featuring checkpoints with charming names like Rat Jaw, Testicle Spectacle, and Checkmate Hill. If those sound like discarded working titles for Saw movies, you’re getting the right idea.
And it’s not just the climbs, runners have to find books hidden along the route and tear out a page matching their bib number as proof they’ve completed each loop. Imagine trying to win an ultra-endurance race while also playing an adult version scavenger hunt.
The Success Rate: Zero to… Not Much More
Since its inception in 1986, only 15 people have ever completed the full five loops within the 60-hour time limit. To put that in perspective, more people have walked on the moon. NASA sends astronauts into space with years of training and millions in funding. The Barkley sends runners into the Tennessee wilderness with a compass and a deep sense of regret.
Each year, the field consists of around 40 hopefuls, handpicked through a mysterious application process that involves a $1.60 entry fee and an essay titled “Why I Should Be Allowed to Suffer.” First-time entrants, or “virgins,” must bring a licence plate from their home country, while veterans have to provide whatever bizarre item Laz requests, past examples include socks and flannel shirts. If you’ve won before, your entry fee is a pack of Camel cigarettes, presumably so Laz can continue lighting races the old-fashioned way.
The “Human Sacrifice”
Every year, one runner is designated as the “human sacrifice”, the person Laz considers least likely to finish a single loop. But here’s the twist: you don’t get to volunteer. The sacrifice is chosen from a pool of legitimate athletes, which is like being the worst player in the Olympic final, you're still better than 99.9% of people, but you're about to be humiliated in spectacular fashion.
The 2024 Race: Hope, Despair, and History Made
In the 2024 edition, history was made when British ultrarunner Jasmin Paris became the first woman to complete the race, finishing with just 99 seconds to spare. And if you think that’s a nail-biting finish, you should’ve seen the look on her face when she realised she'd beaten the cut-off by less than two minutes, because that’s the kind of edge-of-your-seat drama you only get when the race is part endurance test, part “Do I need to call a medic?” moment. Her time of 59 hours, 58 minutes, and 21 seconds was a testament to endurance and perhaps a desire to never hear the phrase "fun run" again.
Ukrainian-Canadian Ihor Verys clocked the fastest time that year, finishing in 58 hours, 44 minutes, and 59 seconds. Ihor was probably thinking, “I’ve run marathons before, but I never had to dodge bears and potential insanity... This is new.” If there was an award for the fastest finish with a side of near-delirium, Ihor would’ve been the undisputed winner.
Altogether, five brave souls (or perhaps slightly unhinged individuals) finished the 2024 Barkley Marathons, which, in itself, set a new record. Let’s not forget: the race isn’t about finishing. It’s about surviving. But when you’re surviving a race that has fewer finishers than your average group chat, well, that’s something to write home about. As they say at the Barkleys, "It's not over until the last person is absolutely broken... and even then, we might still be laughing.
Survival of the Fittest (and Slightly Insane)
Now, as we wrap up this thrilling (or perhaps horrifying) look at the Barkley Marathons, let’s just say: If you thought your weekend 5K was tough, think again. The Barkleys aren’t about running from start to finish, they’re about running from reality. 99% of participants will never finish, and the other 1% are probably questioning their life choices long after the race is over. But at least they can say they survived one of the most brutal, unhinged tests of endurance the world has to offer.
At the end of the day, the Barkley Marathons isn’t just about running. It’s about almost finishing, then crawling to the edge of despair and crossing a line that no one even knows exists. So, if you're thinking of signing up, remember: it’s not a race, it’s a survival reality show where the prize is more mental breakdown than medal. Just be sure to bring a compass, a few extra pairs of socks, and a sense of humour, because you’ll need all three.
And with that, we leave you with a thought: what’s the difference between the Barkley Marathons and a weekend in the office? At least with the Barkleys, you know when the suffering will end.